Saturday, September 1, 2012

These Hollow Words


“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” – Buddha quote

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Sensing the pups were a little ‘too’ quiet, I rounded the bottom of the stairs just in time to catch Yazhi with a pair of underpants on her head, turning the cats water dish into an instant waterfall down the stairs. She tosses the bowl, sending it splashing into a puddle at my feet. Not to be outdone – Bjarki races from the bedroom after her with a pillow from my bed trying to wallop Yazhi and ends up doing a half-ass pillow surf through the water, slipping, and sliding down the stairs plowing into me. Unfazed he continues to drag the now soaked pillow through the house after Yazhi, who can barely see through a leg of the underwear on her head – ricocheting off furniture and walls. I shake my head starring after them in stunned silence.

Crazy chaotic is the name of the game with two pups in residence, frantic, boundless energy that multiplies in on itself from early morning, into frenzy hyperactivity by evening. I ride the momentum through the day with enthusiasm. For today at least, the pendulum swings in my favor toward a liberated reprieve from my anarchic summer disdain. The kid in me gives chase after two unruly pups. Robust laughter amid puppy yips of excitement reverberates through the house.

In these moments, the guilt trip takes a back seat and I don’t think about moving forward too fast, getting over my loss at break neck speed. Maybe because on some level I realize my pain is always with me, not on the surface but ground into bone - hijacking my words. This is an uneasy truce to breathe life into each day, giving me a depth of balance.

*****

I found a burnished brown butterfly with white markings, half hidden in fallen leaves. The pups would have munched down on the colorful wings in a heartbeat. A gentle flutter let me know it was still alive and I gently sat the butterfly down on a low tree branch, not sure, how badly damaged the delicate insect had been or if it could fly. I can’t say why the fate of the butterfly tormented me so much – but it did.

A few days later, a butterfly with the same coloring floated around me, wing dancing on the air. Yazhi pranced and twisted in circles, trying to catch our new friend. I can’t say whether it was the same butterfly – my heart says yes. Little things, small degrees of life making the bigger things…bearable.

*****

Pickles was my muse (her picture is in the sidebar) and honestly, my words have felt hollow since she died. She’s still there between pulsing blood vessels, enmeshed in my chest, keeping my heart pumping. So are the words.

There is a misconception that writers are a lodestone of words. What people don't comprehend is the words are nothing without life. There isn’t a single day I’m not reminded of that lesson.
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33 comments:

  1. I conjure up a scene of your doggies by reading your words. Yes I would want to think that was the same butterfly. It certainly could be. Nice to see you posting again after some time has passed.

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    1. Thanks Paula. I'm glad I can bring people into the pups lives the way I did Pickles. (Hugs) Indigo

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  2. I am so glad the pups are taking care of you :-)

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    1. Thanks Joanna, So am I! (Hugs) Indigo

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  3. "What people don't comprehend is the words are nothing without life."

    Yes! And I'm glad you have two new friends in your life. :)

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    1. Thanks Linda, Life most certainly provides enough entertainment and words. (Hugs)Indigo

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  4. Words are nothing without life = a beautiful line and so true. I hope your heart is healing as well as it can. The pups are certainly helping!! :) *hugs*

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    1. Thanks Jemi, the pups most certainly are helping. (Hugs) Indigo

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  5. You have some beautiful words here.

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  6. i am glad you take the pups playfulness with grace...and enjoy it...i think that a much healthier approach...and who can not smile at them....love your compassion with the butterfly as well...

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    1. Thanks Brian, I'm all for the healthier approach these days. (Hugs) Indigo

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  7. True love loss, no matter the source, leaves a whole in our being that only time can repair. I hope that time continues to be kind to you.

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    1. Thanks Ken, Time is kind enough. I kind of welcome the pain - missing Pickles. Keeps her closer somehow. (Hugs) Indigo

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  8. Beautiful prose, one of those that makes me want to comment many times and yet I can only say it's beautiful prose.

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    1. Thank you for being here. That in itself is words a plenty.(Hugs)Indigo

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  9. Dogs are inspiring. I think that Pickles is still there with you in spirit.

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    1. I believe she is too Syd. (Hugs) Indigo

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  10. Sometimes there are no words to describe the depth of emotions felt....happy the pups are bringing sum sunshine your way...

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    1. True Karen, I don't think the absence of words has even been more prominent. (Hugs)Indigo

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  11. Bless the butterfly. Your words flutter.
    DB

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    1. Thanks DB, does my heart good to hear that. (Hugs)Indigo

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  12. Love your words Indigo! Amazing. I'm glad the pups are there to comfort. <3

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    1. Thanks Carolyn, so am I! (Hugs)Indigo

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  13. Absence can have more power than presence...& Pickles had such a natural & deep connection with you. Time eclipses some hurtful memories, but so do pups. ~Mary

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    1. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you for being there for me. (Hugs)Indigo

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  14. I couldn't help but smile at your account of the puppy mayhem around your house. I couldn't help but smile as you describe how they lift your spirit, Indigo. Our pets don't leave us, even after they are gone - as Pickles is showing you. Good to see you posting.

    Guido

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  15. I am pleased to see that you are with us again. Your pups sound great fun...no replacement for Pickles but they will hopefully find that special place in your heart, I too have a new wee puppy and she gets into no end of scrapes !! and although I still find myself calling her Dee...I think she forgives me...
    Looking forward to hearing more from your end..
    Love Sybil x

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  16. your words ring so true.....a piece of my heart left with each of my precious furbabies. they, too, were my muses, the inspiration for living some days. take your time mourning. it is a personal matter. and i love the story of the pups. they do bring such joy, in just being the chaotic creatures they are. draw from their spirit and energy.

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  17. so glad to see you again my friend,time heals all things.not true.you will always miss pickles.but it changes,the pain.more bitter sweet?not sure if thats right word.but i know i am glad you got those pups.oh,not so much for your sake,but they going to have a home with someone who will love them.take care,mort xxx

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  18. you know what's interesting? i can't write when i'm really happy. for some reason, grief is easier for me to stretch out and type away.
    i'm working on this.
    and you, lovely. your words are there. sometimes they just flutter away. and it's okay to let them.
    xoxo

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  19. oh sweetie, i'm so sorry you have lost your pickles, your muse, your faithful companion. it's a deep pain, one that leaves a hole in your heart, amidst the beautiful pictures put there by the very same being... may the day come soon that these memories will bring a warmth and a smile instead of a tear... love and hugs, V

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  20. "There is a misconception that writers are a lodestone of words. What people don't comprehend is the words are nothing without life."

    Truly beautiful words and well worth remembering. Thanks, as always, for your honest outlook on life.

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Thank you for giving my silence a voice, my muse your words, and taking the time to discover my prose.